Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
