I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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