Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Even my vagina gasped.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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