mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.