you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..