he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot