happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here