Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.