I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk