she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.