grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
should my penis look like a turkey
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick