Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Terrible idea I love it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
