i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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