If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
