part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
