I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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