You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
