im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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