Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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