My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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