so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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