Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
