I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
