I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
