I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is my gift to your gina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
