As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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