When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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