Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize