Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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