Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
