You just made me feel so damn special
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
