giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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