yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
