Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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