wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
