I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
