U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
