just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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