i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
