You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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