1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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