I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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