just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
