the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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