There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
