I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
