I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
is it fun? or sober?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
