My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it hurts more in the daytime
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this will be a night to untag.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
