Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
