textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
