I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't turn off my feet"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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