Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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