Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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