i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
