Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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