actually, I'm a sock model
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
