Swine flu is the new snow day.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
