I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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