I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
