So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
