he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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