"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will be naked everywhere
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
