No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
