so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
