Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
