True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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