Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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